Dianthe’s Blog

and we’re not any closer than last week – well, that’s not completely true – it just feels that way!

50% effaced, somewhere between -3 and -2 station, cervix still completely closed – ugh!!!!  i know that’s some progress from last week, but i am ready for Spike to come NOW!!!

i think part of the problem is that i’ve had such an easy pregnancy – i hardly had any morning sickness, i haven’t had any problems with gestational diabetes or extreme swelling or high blood pressure – no heartburn or hemorrhoids or constipation – i haven’t been extremely uncomfortable – my OB went as far as to call it a “perfect pregnancy” – i really lucked out that everything has gone according to plan – so i was completely unprepared for the aches and pains  and the difficulty getting around that i’ve experienced these last couple of weeks – everyone said the last couple of weeks were the hardest – now i believe!  

anyway, i’m hoping Spike comes sometime in the next week – i really don’t want to be induced unless it’s a medical necessity or Spike is in danger – so we’re going to hold off on that conversation for at least another week – but she said if we get close to 42 weeks and/or Spike starts getting close to 9 pounds, we’ll HAVE to at least start talking induction – but that’s at least another week away

in the meantime, i’m off to sit on the toilet … for labor purposes people!!!  i share a lot but not THAT much! 

and i’m still here – and i was late this morning – in my bedroom i have an alarm clock – in the living room, i have my cell phone – and apparently it didn’t work this morning – or maybe it did and i turned it off in my sleep – i couldn’t tell you – all i know is that at 4:57am, Kelley came in and said “Sweet?” – i sat up and said “what time is it” “5am” insert your favorite 4 letter word here – now usually i’m walking out the door about 5am so clearly i was a little late – and since i’m 100 months pregnant, i couldn’t jump up and get dressed and run out the door anymore – but i made it out the door in 15 minutes, so not too bad for a big fat pregnant girl!!

so i talked to my grandma last night and all she had for me was “walk and castor oil” – WHAT??  you’ve lived in New Orleans your whole life and that’s all you’ve got?  i was expecting something that involved feathers, a chicken leg and me spinning around 3 times at midnight – so much for the voo doo!  anyway, i’m out on the walking and castor oil – i can barely walk as it is – i can’t imagine walking for hours – besides, i think it’s a crock – my friend Jess just told me that she mall walked every day for 2 weeks with her first son – and he was 2 weeks late!!!  and castor oil is just a no go for me – i’ve heard way too many horror stories

my mom called me last night to see how many calls i’ve been getting – apparently my reputation precedes me because instead of everyone calling me, they’re calling mom instead – THANK YOU!!!  she said she got 5 calls on Tuesday – “where is that baby?” – in dianthe’s belly!  at least my friends have taken up texting instead of calling – me, i’ve taken to not answering the phone!

and speaking of phones – i hate voice mail – i don’t know why – but i hate to check voice mail -i’m completely annoyed when i look at my phone and see the notice that i have a voice mail – i would much rather just check the missed calls – or better yet, read a text or email – dialing the voice mail and going through the menu and playing and saving and deleting – it’s just too much – just shoot me a text instead – because i like it better – and isn’t it all about me??

i’m off to the OB -i’ll post the update when i get home – maybe she’ll tell me i’m at a 5cm and i just have a REALLY high pain tolerance!

and still no Spike – i wasn’t sure what to eat with Eggplant Parmesan, so we ordered pizza – it was like an Italian festival at my house last night – and 2 hours after dinner, i was in the same predicament as i was the night before – painful Braxton Hicks, but nothing i could time – and when i woke up this morning, they were gone – oh yeah, and more punching from Spike, which made the BHs that much more enjoyable – i am in SO much trouble!  girl or boy, Spike is going to be a rough and tumble kid from day one!  so i’ll continue with the tea today and i’ll be adding pineapple to the mix – i’ve also heard that i should walk on curbs and jump off of them – i have no idea why that would work but it sounds easy enough – the curb at my house is only 3 or 4 inches – surely i can manage that – it’s the walking thing that’s killing me now!  i should also call my grandma and ask her about those old wives tales – she’s from Louisiana, so she has to have some old Creole tale to suggest – in the meantime, there’s an Italian restaurant here in town that claims their meatball pizza will send you into labor – so guess where i’m headed for lunch!

tomorrow is my actual due date and i am headed to the doctor as soon as the show is over – there has got to be some news, right?  the baby’s dropped – your cervix is opening – SOMETHING!!!  at this point, i’d be happy if she lied to me – i can live with false hope!!  whatever will get me through the next week – JC has been telling me to make sure that the baby doesn’t come on Super Bowl Sunday – wouldn’t that be irony if i went into labor right before the game started – surely that would mean Spike is a girl!

so last night was Night #2 of me sleeping on the chaise – i pointed out to Kelley that he looked mighty comfortable sleeping in the bed without me – he tried to play it off but then he busted out laughing – yeah, i knew he enjoyed it – the whole bed to himself – so last night when he went to bed, i made him take the dog with him – she is still having a hard time adjusting to the wood floors and she spends the entire evening clickety-clacking around trying to find a soft place to land – it’s driving me nuts!!  so i made him take her into the bedroom with him – imagine my surprise (yet again) this morning when i saw the dog in bed with Kelley – he is such a softie!  she totally has a bed in our room and has gotten pretty good about sleeping in it – but he put her in bed with him instead!!  sucker!!!  i thought i was the only one who gave into the dog on a regular basis!

ok, so apparently there is a new “trend” in child safety and you’re supposed to have your infant car seat inspected my a certified car seat inspection person – now this is one of those things that i read in a book or magazine andeveryone is doing it – and because we waited til the last minute to install the car seats, i’m now behind the curve in having it inspected – even after we tightened up the seat, it still feels a little loose – so i thought i’d just run to my local Fire Department and have someone look at it – yeah, that’s not the way this high tech world works – i guess there was some liability issue raised and now saving people from burning buildings is not enough to make you a safety expert – the city (or fire department or police department or whoever) now has to have certified car seat experts that do this one thing – and they are so freaking overwhelmed by the baby boom, you have to make an appointment – seriously?  you can’t just assign these people to a location and have people drop by between the hours of X and Z – geez – of course i want Spike o be as safe as possible but isn’t this going a little overboard?  i thought i would take the easy way out and make Kelley take care of it – but as it turns out, the car seat guy was busy yesterday and was supposed to call us back to set an appointment  ***crickets***  i’ll let you know how that works out

from turning off my phone … seriously – i know that my friends and family love me and i’m fortunate to have them – but if one more person calls just to ask me if i’ve had the baby yet, i swear i’m going to disown them – yesterday i threatened one of my best friends with bodily harm if she asks “are you having the baby yet” one more time – there is a long list of people that will be contacted when i go to labor – and if i talk to you on a regular basis (or even a semi-regular basis), you will be contacted – so stop freaking calling me people!!!

i had to sleep on the chaise last night because i can no longer sleep comfortably in my bed – i was a little sad when Kelley kissed me goodnight and then headed off to our bedroom – i thought he might be at least a little bit sad to be sleeping alone – imagine my surprise when i walked into the bedroom this morning to find him looking all comfy-cozy curled up and taking up the ENTIRE bed – he didn’t even notice i was gone – the nerve!  and when i went to kiss him goodbye, he was sprawled out across half the bed – hater!!!  anyway, last night i put a blanket on top of the chaise but not before i laid out those protective pads – you know the ones that protect your mattress in case your water breaks in the middle of the night – Kelley totally made fun of me – he said that since i was putting so much into the preparation, it wasn’t going to happen – gee, thanks honey – the “about to get punched in the face by dianthe” line forms to the left!

so everyone says that Braxton Hicks are your body’s way of “practicing” for real labor – well guess what, i’m over this practicing nonsense – let’s get on to the real thing – there was a 30 minute time period last night when i thought we were making some progress – i could feel my belly tightening periodically and then i started getting these horrific cramps – they hurt so bad that i could hardly walk – so i decided to time them (thank you contractionmaster.com) – but i never got a consistent pattern and i decided to try and get some sleep instead – and miraculously i woke up this morning with no more contractions – boo!!  but since i’ve gone almost the entire pregnancy with no BH contractions, i’m taking last night as a sign that the real ones are on the way – in the meantime, i’m headed off for a mani and pedi because i had 2 friends that went into labor after a pedicure – Spike’s gotta be coming soon – right???

i called in sick – i have never missed a day at KKITM but today, i just couldn’t deal – last night my left hip started hurting but i’ve become used to the aches and pains, so no big deal right? once i got in bed, every single time i tried to change positions, it hurt – i’m talking the kind of pain that wakes you from sleep – needless to say that there was not much sleep going on – i was up way before 4am (my regular wake up time) and after taking 10 minutes to get out of bed, i realized something was off – the pain was unreal but i thought maybe i could just walk it out – yeah, no such luck – about every 3 steps i had a shooting pain through my left hip and i couldn’t walk down the hall without holding onto the walls – about 4:20 i came to grips with the fact that there was no way i could walk the 2 flights of steps to the studio – nor the long walk to and from the elevator – so i texted Shanon to let her know i wouldn’t be coming to work – she promptly texted me back to let me know that she had a massive fever and was headed back home herself – Shanon never misses work wither so i knew it must be bad! i tried to go back to sleep but my body had already adjusted to be awake so i headed for the chaise lounge to listen to the show

finally, the chiropractors office opened and they were able to squeeze me in at 9am – YAY!!!! and my chiro saves the day again – as soon as i sat down she could immediately tell where the pain was – she said Spike had shifted to the other side and that my pelvis was uneven causing the problems in my hip – she said “i bet you can’t stand on your left leg” – damn she’s good! so as usual, she worked her magic and i was walking again – but i’m still having pain in the front of my pelvis due to Spike moving down – and the only thing that will eliminate is Spike being born

so last night Kelley totally made fun of me for having bad attitude with Spike – whatever dude – he better get used to it cause that’s the kind of mom i am – i was sitting on the birthing ball (my new home) and Spike is punching me in the cervix – finally i said to Spike (out loud), “if you’re that uncomfortable, stop punching me and just come out already!!!” Kelley thought that was HI-larious – he laughed at me and said “you do realize you’re having attitude with the baby” – um, yeah – and if he was punching you “down there”, you’d be having attitude too!

so after i got home from the chiro, i hit my wall – since i didn’t get any sleep last night, i was extra tired so i slept most of the day – and even when i finally woke up, i was still too groggy to function – i laid in my new bed aka the chaise lounge and just waited for the motivation to get up – yeah, that wasn’t happening – i don’t think Kelley was at all surprised to see me in the same position i was when he left this morning – the upside is that i’m able to walk again without pain – well, not completely without pain – but relatively without pain – so unless Spike decides to get moving, i’ll be back at work tomorrow

the weekend was pretty uneventful – i still haven’t gotten around to finishing all the decor items for the nursery but all the big stuff is done – Kelley cleaned the hall bathroom (the one where my teenage stepson used to live – ewwwwww) so i was able to put all the baby’s bath stuff in there – and even though i wasn’t able to find any yellow bath accessories, it is clean and functional! Kelley installed the car seat in the truck and the extra base in his car and i’ll stop by the fire department tomorrow to have them inspect it – i put together the pack-n-play in the living room – and i think we are good to go!! of course, God forbid this kid come when he’s supposed to!! maybe Spike is a girl – and par for the course, taking after her mom – never one to shy away from being the center of attention, she’s going to make her appearance with all eyes on her! clearly, i’ve already created a monster!

finally – nursery pics – the walls are still bare, but i’m working on that – slowly but surely …

bookshelf – i still have a few things to add – as soon as i get them out of the garage 

here’s the lamp that my mom’s friend made for me when i was a baby – i rewired it and added the lampshade 

the changing table/dresser and the refinished rocker – Kelley painted it and i recovered the cushions – not bad … 

my cloth diaper stash – the ones on top are Kissaluvs but i have Bum Genius and Swaddlebees too 

FINALLY – the crib!!! 

quilt set and lovey – the lovey is SO soft – do they make those for adults??

stuffed animals – i’ve had the Anne Geddes bunny for years – one of the many things i’ve been saving “for when i have kids”

even though Spike is in position, he still hasn’t dropped down far enough to be considered “officially dropped” – but on the bright side, i am about 20% effaced – she says that the baby could come at any time – but to keep in mind that first babies typically stay inside longer – so we could be looking at a February baby – she suggested eggplant, raspberry tea, walking and of course sex – and she said not to worry about my Monday Meltdown – she said it was a rite of passage – so in the meantime, no news is good news … i think

but i’m making more progress on the nursery – i pushed the crib bumper to the bottom of the list – i’ve cut almost all the fabric but i’m having trouble getting motivated – probably because i have to cut 24 of the smallest tabs ever – that’s a beating – but all the furniture is in place – i bought a cute little night light and i covered the lamp shade on the lamp that i rewired – i found a cute wooden cross that i painted but of course once i painte dit i realized that my paint shades are off – so i’ll have to go get new paint today – but i’m motivated now, so i PROMISE, PROMISE, PROMISE to have pictures for Monday

so i’ve been ordering diapers to complete my stash and yesterday i got Kissaluvs fitted in the mail – they are so freaking cute – this kind need a cover but they are still so sweet – they are so TINY!!  i showed him to Kelley and asked him if he thought our baby would be that small – he said yes, but when i looked at him – he was laying in the bed with his eyes closed – LOSER!!!  i totally busted him and he tried to play it off but it was too late 

so i spent way too long at Walmart yesterday looking for sour candy – everyone says that you need sour candy during labor to suck on because sweet candy makes you thirsty – can someone tell me where i’m supposed to find sour candy – i’ve checked Walmart and Target and no go – i did get a suggestion for sour Altoids and Sour Skittles, so i’ll add that to my list for today – but i was able to get some good Valentine’s chocolate – i was told to take chocolate for the nurses because they like that and of course you want your nurses to love you – because they’re the one’s  with the hook up – it’s kind of like being a phone screener – you want things to go your way, be nice to the little people at the bottom of the food chain!  anyway, the hospital bag is almost complete so it looks like progress is being made!

so in an effort to get Spike here more quickly, i’m trying to plan some quality time with Kelley – my thinking is that if i plan enough stuff, then the baby will come and ruin it – isn’t that how it’s supposed to work?  like last weekend when i told Kelley we had to go run errands together so we could spend some quality time together before the baby comes – yeah he didn’t really see that as quality time but whatever – and you should have seen the look of joy on his face when i sent him to get a bag of salad … ALONE!!!  nerd!  i try not to let him wander off alone because he’s like a 7 year old – gone forever and returning with a ton of stuff that is not on the list!!  anyway, we’ve still got a decent amount of things to get done so i’m hoping we can spend some real time together this weekend before we’re inundated with baby and friends and family

so i’m off to the OB – there’s no telling what she’ll tell me – i’m anticipating more of “you haven’t made any progress – it’ll probably still be another week or so” – UGH!!!  i’m still not full term until next week though – so realistically, it’ll be about 2 weeks before we have to start making any decisions – i REALLY don’t want to be induced – i know a lot of people have had relatively easy births with inductions – but since i’m hoping to deliver Spike naturally, i’d really like to do so without any medical interventions if possible – in any case, i’ll post a short blog this afternoon about the doctor’s visit – stay tuned …

when the first thought in your head when you wake up is “i can’t believe i didn’t go into labor last night” – every day someone comes into the phone screening room and says “still here?” – yes people, still here – ugh – come on Spike – let’s get with it!!!

yesterday was chiropractor day – my back was so out of whack that i actually felt my back pop when she adjusted me – usually i can’t tell what she’s done until i get up and walk around and then i feel all better – but yesterday, it was like WOW – no wonder i’ve been in so much pain!  so i’m feeling a lot better physically but i’m still ready for Spike to get here – the chiro says that Spike has moved down though and that he is definitely engaged – she says she could barely feel the back of his head – YAY!!!  and he is in the right position and those sharp pokes and pains that i keep feeling are Spike’s feet – and the little tickles down low – Spike’s hands – that was exciting because i could feel all the movement but i couldn’t distinguish what everything was – but we’re good to go!  now if i could just go into labor!

Kelley and i still haven’t come to an agreement on names – but i’ve picked my favorite 2 – i like Michael Jane for a girl and Jackson Emmanuel for a boy – but what is crazy is that they have almost exactly the same meaning – Michael Jane is “Who is like God” and “God’s gracious gift” and Jackson Emmanuel is “God’s gift” and “God is with us” – isn’t that weird – i didn’t even realize it until after i’d settled on those names – now i just have to convince Kelley – actually, i don’t think we’ll even talk names again until Spike is actually born since we still can’t come to an agreement – but pretty much my thinking is that if i push this kid out of my hoo-ha, i get final say on the name!  besides, the baby will have his last name, right?

Kelley had class last night so i entertained myself with the new reality game show “Moment of Truth” – what a beating – i was so annoyed,  i wanted to punch myself in the face – first of all, they start off with these easy, creampuff questions – but they make you wait like a minute before they ever answer the question – why can’t they be like “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” and at least pass through the easy questions quickly and then save the buildup for the high dollar questions – but no – instead we have to sit through stupid questions like “have you ever checked out another guy’s junk in the locker room?” – like i told Kelley – maybe that’s an embarrassing question but it’s by no means an “intense” question – i mean, whether we admit it or not, we’ve all checked out someone else – not because we’re attracted to them but because we’re comparing ourselves to them – it’s just human nature – DUH!!!  anyway, i bailed after the first contestant – here’s a show i won’t be watching again

so i’m exactly 39 weeks along today – and there’s nothing else to day – except i’ll probably be back tomorrow

i’m not any closer to birthing Spike than i was yesterday – i told everyone this child had my personality – i’m starting to see it more and more – i’m now predicting that Spike will not make an appearance as long as it is freezing cold outside – i hate cold weather and i think he does too – if i’m under the covers, he’ll move like crazy – but if i take the blankets off, he stops in his tracks – we’re just not cold weather people – but the weather is supposed to warm up a little this weekend so i’ll keep my fingers crossed!!

also, i just wanted to thank you guys for posting with your advice and stories – in my head know i’m not the only person ever to feel this way but it’s totally reassuring to hear stories from people who have “been there, done that” or who are going through the same thing! as different as we all are, at the end of the day we’re still pretty much the same! so thanks for the stories – and feel free to keep them coming!  oh, and i’m trying to finish up some of the smaller items on my registry – we’ve gotten all of the big stuff, so now i’m getting the things that i wanted vs. what i needed – did anyone use a sling?  i think i’ve narrowed it down to the Hotsling and the Peanut Shell – but i can’t really tell the difference and i don’t have the energy to go trucking all over town to find a store that carries them so i can actually see them in person – do you have one?  do you love/hate it and why? and how big (or small) are you and what size did you order – i’m leaning towards the Hotsling in a size 4 – but you know how that goes!

why must the days pass so slowly? especially when it’s a short week – today is chiropractor day – and i’m psyched about that because 1) i’ll be adjusted and my lower back will stop hurting and 2) because my chiro always feels for the baby and tells me what position Spike is in – so anyway, i was thinking that tomorrow would be great because i go back to the OB and she’ll get to tell me that once again, i’ve made no progress – but after looking at my calendar, i realize that’s a no go because my appointment isn’t until Friday – aww man – i know it’s only one day – and i know i haven’t made any progress so it’s not like it means anything – but i’m still bummed -but i can take it, right?

i think the dog senses something is about to change – she’s been a little more moody than usual – she’s goes back and forth between “i cannot be bothered with you people” and “hey, hey, hey – remember me – pay attention to me” – she’s another one who doesn’t like cold weather – so maybe i’m imagining it all and she just hates the cold – regardless, there’s been a change in her and i’m not sure it’s for the good

you would think with the writer’s strike, i would be more up to date with  my tv watching – but instead, i’m 2 days behind on GH – and a million other shows – i think in the back of my mind, i think i’ll be able to watch them during Spike’s middle of the night feedings – but the reality is most of this stuff, i’ll probably never get around to!

last night when i got home from dinner with the girls, i cane to the realization that i will probably never have a clean shirt again – having big boobies and a big belly has made me a food magnet – i can’t eat ANYTHING without spilling food somewhere on me – whether it’s on my shirt or down my shirt, i am constantly dropping food – and oh how much fun it is to discover crumbs in your shirt – every day – what am i?  Sloth from The Goonies? anyway, it occurred to me that even when i don’t have an enormous belly anymore, what i will have is a child – one that drools and spits up and drops food all over me – the heck with bibs for the baby – the person who really needs one is the mom!!!

especially when she’s been pregnant for 809 months:

when is that baby coming? hold on – let me look in my crystal ball 

you look like you’re about to pop!  REALLY?  because i am … about to pop you right in the face

i’ll be glad when you finally have that baby – yeah, well not more glad than me

are you sure it’s not twins?  considering i’ve been carrying this load around for 9 months and i’ve been seeing my OB on a regular basis – yes, i’m freaking sure it’s NOT twins!

Saturday night Kelley and i headed out for dinner – but because i was dragging my you-know-what, we didn’t leave the house until prime dinner time – which meant at least an hour wait everywhere we went -and because i was too cranky to wait, we ended up at a burger place – which was great with me!  anyway, the people sitting at the table were really nice and the mom asked about the baby – she congratulated me and told me to enjoy this time together because all those people who promised to babysit would suddenly disappear after the baby is born – what??  if you’ve promised to babysit and you bail on me when Spike gets here, prepare for the wrath – i fully intend to spend quality time with my husband and if that means barging into your house on Saturday night at 6pm, so be it!!  anyway, she was really sweet and came and gave me a hug and prayed for me and Spike – i know some people would have been taken aback by that – but being the heathen i am, i’ll take prayer whenever i can get it!

so it was kind of a rough weekend??  i went from “oh, i can wait” to “GET THIS BABY OUT OF ME!!!” in about 2.5 seconds – i am so fat and swollen and uncomfortable – my back hurts, i’m getting random cramps and aches and pains – i am just ready for this baby to get here already – i had a meltdown yesterday complete with tears – so what started the meltdown? let me start by saying that there should be a  maternity size that is specifically designed for the last month of pregnancy – because that’s when, no matter how big your clothes were, NOTHING fits!! ok, back to the meltdown – so yesterday we still had some errands to run, so i got up and got dressed so that we could get out early and be home before it got too cold – i’m in the midst of putting on a pair of jeans and they’re a little tight – i get them midway up my hips and they stop – whatev, it’s not the first time i’ve ever had to wiggle myself into jeans, right?  and just as i start to wiggle, i hear “rrrrrrrriiiiiiiiippppppp” – you have got to be joking me – if i could have looked past my gargantuan belly, i could have seen immediately how bad the tear was, but i already knew how bad it was after hearing the rip – i’m sure you can just imagine the expletives that came flying out of my mouth – i slipped the jeans off (which amazingly i had NO trouble removing!) and flung them across the room – Kelley yells from the other room “what’s wrong?” – “NOTHING – I’M JUST %&^&e$$^ ENORMOUS!!!” – oh, and here’s the worst part – i have bought a good portion of my maternity clothes at Ross – and i bought all of my jeans there – except this one pair – $60 maternity jeans from The Gap – and of course they are ripped beyond repair – they couldn’t have ripped somewhere hidden or along the seam so that i could have them fixed – no, it had to be a huge rip from the zipper into the thigh area and no where NEAR a seam – guess where i’ll never be buying jeans from again – so feeling defeated, i decide to move on to hair and make up – except i slept on my hair wrong and i have a 3″ patch of hair that is sticking straight out parallel to the ground and no amount of product or flat iron is going to help – at this point, the meltdown begins – i chunk the flat iron into the sink – crawl into the bed and begin to cry – Kelley comes in (at just the right time) and asks what he can do to make it better – he offers to take me shopping but i refuse – how stupid would it be to spend money on clothes i’m only going to wear for a few more days (hopefully) – especially when i’d rather be shopping for the nursery – and even still, i’m so upset i just want to crawl back into my bed and stay there all day – through my tears, i managed to mumble, “i’m just ready to have this baby already” – and Kelley being the Practically Perfect Husband that he is, did the only thing he could do – he said “i know you are” and then he gave me hugs and kisses – and just like that, the Pity Party was over – i dragged myself out of bed and found something that still halfway fits and we were off

so i accomplished next to nothing this weekend – my back hurts and my legs hurt and it feels like Spike is crushing my pelvis – it’s getting a lot harder to get around so i pretty much just want to lay around and do nothing – so that’s what i did – i did manage to finish the baby bedding – and we bought a new bookshelf for the nursery – and Kelley cleared out the closet so i could put some stuff away – but other than that – the nursery is still in disarray – and at this point, i don’t really care – is that terrible?  Spike is going to sleep in our room for the first 2 months anyway – the bassinet is ready and the diapers have been washed and the changing table is set up – we have clothes – everything else is just fluff right?  i mean, Spike won’t know the difference – at least that’s what i’m going to keep telling myself – anyway, maybe i’ll finish the nursery sometime this week – and maybe there will actually be pictures

so i think i’m ready to try the old wive tales – here’s what i have so far:

full moon – this alone is supposed to do it – but so far, i see no progress

laundry (and lots of it) – because nothing says “honey don’t you want some lovin’?” like an extra 55 pounds and a stomach the size of a watermelon

pineapple – you’re supposed to eat the core – we’ll see

red rasberry tea – apparently you’re supposed to drink a lot of it

castor oil – one word … NO!!  and no mineral oil either

spicy food – just about everything we eat is spicy – so i doubt this will work

walking – i walked around Kroger, Walmart and Target for 2 1/2 hours yesterday – that got me nowhere – and it’s too cold to go outside

the yoga ball – i’ve been living on that baby – no progress

i’m open to anything else  – maybe if i try all of them, something will work – i’m not desperate yet, but i’m close!