Dianthe’s Blog

Steve Guttenberg - i didn’t think he id as poorly as the judges did - it did look like he was off a lot though - especially at the beginning - but it was a fun routine - and he’s such a good guy and has such a positive attitude - you can’t help but like him

Christian de la Fuente - pretty good!  i think he’s one of those that will get better week by week - i still don’t like his attitude though

Monica Seles - um … hmmm … not pretty good - she’s very stiff - she reminds me of those kids shows where they make a robot and then try to teach it to dance - she knows the steps but has problems with the execution

Penn  Jillette - poor Penn - he’s really, really, really fun (yes, 3 reallys) - he’s like the jolly magic giant - he’s huge but lovable - obviously he has huge feet - but what can he do about that?  i mean, it can’t be easy to dance on your tip toes when you weigh 300 pounds!  i thought he’s be the first to go but i think the fans will keep him around for a while

Priscilla Presley - see, last week i only talked about her hair because i didn’t want to get yelled at for being too mean to Priscilla - but since y’all brought it up … what is going on with her face??  i will never understand why people who have money cannot afford GOOD plastic surgery - she’s a mix between “Botox Gone Bad” and “The Incredible Melting Face” - YIKES!!!  but on to the dancing - she’s got the footwork down but can someone teach her how to shimmy???

Shannon Elizabeth - WOW - a big improvement over last week - i didn’t expect her to be that good - i’m impressed

Jason Taylor - when will he be dancing shirtless - dang - was i using my outside of my head voice again - he’s definitely moved into my Top 10 List - he is HOT!!!  plus the man can dance - he could sling me around on the floor ANYTIME!!!

Marissa Jaret Winokur - i just love her!!!   i thought she was good - a few missteps but it’s only the second dance - i think she’s just going to get better and better - you can tell that she’s a perfectionist and that she takes this seriously - i almost cried during her pre-interview - i want her to kick some dancing butt!  plus - she gets bonus points from me because i just read this week that she is a cervical cancer survivor and she and her husband are having a baby through a surrogate - she’s 5 months pregnant - how exciting is that?!?!

Adam Corolla - if he gets to the next round, it’ll be only because of his personality - he’s fun to watch, but he’s not a dancer

Marlee Maitlin - very nice - there’s still something a little off about the routine but i don’t think it’s her - i think it’s the choreography - i think (for the 3rd time)  she did a really good and that she’ll get better every week

Kristi Yamaguchi - this girl can DANCE!!!  she is awesome - it’s going to be tough for her because she’s set such a high standard for herself - inevitably she’ll have one week where she’s off and that’s going to suck - but she is fantastic!!

Mario - another good week for him

i’m waiting for one of the good ones to do something spectacular though - they’re gonna have to start step it up soon otherwise it’s going to get boring real quickly saying “they were good” every week - i still think it’s Monica going home for the girls and Penn or Adam Corolla for the guys 

Dancing With The Stars - WOO HOO!!!!

Penn - dude, the judges were HARSH!!! 5s and 6s?? i wasn’t expecting 10s but dang - that was rough - as Kelley put it, he’s this year’s Mark Cuban - though i think he’s got a little more rhythm than Mark - he was fun to watch and i thin the fans will keep him around for a minute or 2

Jason Taylor - um, HOT!!! oh, was that my outside my head voice??? though there is something weird about his mouth - still hot - oh, is that not one of the requirements for Dancing With The Stars - he was good - a lot better than i expected - he needs to show more personality, but i think he’ll get there …

Christian de la Fuente - ok Latin Boy - a little too full of yourself - “the reason i wanted to do Dancing With the Stars is so i could bring the romance back to dancing” - um, the romance has been there - where have you been?? he’s another hottie but i’m already turned off by his attitude - they were good but he’s a little heavy on his feet

Adam Corolla - he’s way more Mark Cuban than Penn - he’s got personality though and hopefully he’ll show some improvement - it wasn’t all bad - but it wasn’t all good!

Mario - clearly the guy to beat - he just has natural rhythm - it’ll be interersting to see how he matches up against the girls
Steve Guttenberg - Kelley is pulling for the “Guttmeister” - yes, my husband is a nerd! anyway, he was much better than i expected! another one whose personality will earn him an extra week or 2

Shannon Elizabeth - well, she looked really good - exactly how long are her legs and where can i get some of those? she was a little stiff and robotic looking - and i don’t think she and Derek have very much chemistry 

Monica Seles -  did i say Shannon Elizabeth was stiff - poor Monica - she looked like she had a really bad crick in her neck - it wasn’t as bad as i expected though - but it still wasn’t good

Marissa Jaret Winokur - i great big pink and purple puffy heart LOVE LOVE LOVE her!!!!  i didn’t think she danced enough but that’s on Tony for choreography - i think her being so short is going to count against her also - but i think she definitely has some talent - i hope she improves next week because i’d really like to see her stick around for a while

Priscilla Presley - i know this has nothing to do with her dancing, but what is going on with her hair color??  WOW - she was way better than i expected - pretty good - too bad her personality is so dull

Kristi Yamaguchi - WOW!!!  i expected her to be good but damn - she was awesome!!  there’s a reason she’s leading the odds to win in Vegas - she is definitely the woman to beat!!!

Marlee Matlin - pretty impressive - i don’t know how she did it without hearing - she was pretty good but i thought the routine was too slow - of course that’s probably to be expected since she’s just figuring out this whole dancing without sound thing - i have loved her since Picket Fences (yes, i’m 100!) so i’m hoping she makes it far  

it’ll be interesting to see how everyone compares next week - but so far i’m thinking it will be Monica and Penn 

but i think we’re starting to get the hang of this baby thing - well, sort of … i’m still extremely sleep deprived - my boobs feel like they are about to fall off - Sydney has her days and nights completely reversed - there’s nothing like a newborn child to make you feel like you know absolutely nothing! i’ve been taking care of kids since i was 12 and have had tons of experience with newborns - but when it’s your own kid, it might as well be your first time! everyone says babies don’t come with instruction booklets … yeah, i’d like to know why not - i’m not talking about those “Your Baby Week By Week” books - i’m talking about a book that is specific to your kid - God sends you the baby - couldn’t He send the baby with a one sheeter??

SYDNEY JANE - likes to be held (practically 24/7) and is a total snuggle bunny - eats like a champ and likes music (especially Stevie Wonder) - fingernails that grow like weeds and will need to be cut or filed almost daily - is a total night owl but will sleep all day long - a little on the moody side but will learn to like all the things she initially hated - specifically the swing and bouncy chair

see, i’m not asking for a step-by-step of the next 18 years, just a quick heads up!

i’ve figured out why new moms rarely leave the house - because they don’t have anything to wear!!! at some point you get tired of wearing your maternity clothes (because you’re no longer pregnant!) but you’re not quite back to your pre-pregnancy weight - plus, everyone says that even if you hit your pre-pregnancy weight, your body shape is different - so i need a whole new wardrobe for the in between stage (or transition as Kelley calls it) - i can get into my fat jeans (which i was wearing before i got pregnant) but i still have post partum jelly belly which makes for a fabulous muffin top (i’m dead sexy!!) - so all i have to do is wear a top with an empire waist - easy enough, right? except all of mine are summer tops that are low cut or that have spaghetti straps - that doesn’t really work with my sexy (not!) nursing bras - and thanks to my new breastfeeding boobalicious boobies, none of my regular bras fit - i guess i’ll see ya’ll when i lose 40 pounds or stop nursing because until then, i’ll be sitting in my house dressing Sydney in all of her super cute clothes!

so Kelley has been home with me and Sydney since she was born and started back to work today - he’ll be working from home for the next couple of weeks so i’ll still have some help, but he spends a lot of his day on the phone - and when he’s on a call, i’m on my own - there goes my daily shower! i never realized what a production it is to get a baby ready to leave the house - and it’s hard to get yurself dressed when you have to stop down to check on every little moan that comes from your baby’s body - the first time i left the house with Sydney, it took over 2 hours - and that was with Kelley’s help! Friday i took Sydney out for our first Mommy and Baby outing - it was the first time for just the 2 of us and and we were gone all day - we went to the studio so Sydney could meet the show - of course, everyone fell in love with her! then we went to meet the girls for lunch - then off to the mall for some shopping - then we headed over to one of my friend’s house to wait and see if her daughter made cheerleader - how crazy is it that the 2 year old that i used to babysit is going to be a freshman cheerleader?? not that long ago, i was slinging Farris Groth over my shoulder and now she’s gonna be flying through the air in a basket toss for the HP Scots - her mom and i were a nervous wreck waiting to find out if Farris made the squad - i don’t know how i’m gonna handle it when it’s Sydney’s turn - YIKES!!! and speaking of cheerleading - Cheerleader U is back - WOO HOO!! is it too late for me to be a professional cheerleader? that’s really what i want to be when i grow up!

Ash Wednesday was my first official day of maternity leave - i planned to do some last minute errands, go to Mass and then lunch with my mom and godfather and pray that Spike would come unassisted before Friday - after Tuesday’s trip to L&D, my OB had agreed to give me a few more days to see if the baby would come on his (her) own before we induced - unfortunately for me, the hospital schedule was against me

Wednesday morning i got up to listen to the show (just because i work there doesn’t mean i’m not a fan!!) and i got a phone call from my OBs office about 8:30am - now i was expecting this call to be about scheduling an appointment for the next day - imagine my surprise when the nurse told me they wanted me to come to the hospital at 4pm to start the induction - HUH???  that’s not the plan - she explained that the hospital was booked the rest of the week and that since i was already overdue, Dr. Flowers didn’t want to wait until next week - so they were going to start the Cervidil Wednesday evening and then we would go from there - i asked her if i could get the Cervidil and then go back home to labor - hmm - how about no - she said that labor can come on really strong with the Cervidil and they needed to monitor me at the hospital - yeah, at that point i started to cry - i was prepared for induction on Friday but on Wednesday??  not so much - she asked me if i was okay and i lied and said yes - she promised me that it would be okay and told me to call if i had any questions - um, do you have 2 hours to talk to me - sure i had questions - like, why is my child stubborn?  duh. i think we all know the answer to that - the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree

anyway, Kelley was still asleep and i needed some time to process everything - so i sat on the chaise for another 2 hours trying to think things through - about 10am, Kelley came into the living room and he immediately knew something was wrong - i told him they were starting the induction at 4pm - of course Kelley, the level headed, was completely unfazed and asked me what i needed him to do - um, can you make your child come on its own??  anyway, i spent the rest of the day sending emails and making phone calls and trying to contact everyone and get everything together - as the day went on, i started to come to terms with the induction but i was still a little freaked out - and then i got a call from Dr. Flowers (my OB) - dude, what doctor does that?  she was just calling to check on me and see how i was doing - she knew that i didn’t want to be induced so she just wanted to see if i had any questions and let me know that even though we were going the induction route, she would still do everything in her power to stick to my original birth plan - love this woman!  while i wasn’t wild about the induction, i knew that her number one was getting Spike here safely - so i decided to go with the flow and finally started to really calm down

so we get to the hospital about 4:15pm - it took about an hour to fill out paperwork and all that jazz and they administered the Cervidil about 5:30pm - one of the things that sucks about induction is that they have to hook you up to all the machines to track your blood pressure and contractions and the baby - that means you pretty much get to sit in the bed and go nowhere - yeah, i hated that - Kelley had class at 7:30pm and i didn’t see the point in him missing class since we’d just be sitting around waiting - so i sent him on his merry way (after he picked up some dinner for me - he’s so great!) and my mom and godmother came to hang out with me - Kelley got back around 10pm and my mom and godmother left - during that time, my contractions were starting to pick up - at least according to the monitors - some of them i could feel and some i couldn’t - and since i couldn’t feel all of them, i was trying to watch for them on the monitor - but the monitors wouldn’t stay in place, so the nurse had to keep coming in to adjust them - but he was only concerned about the baby one and not the contraction one - dude, if you’re going to adjust one of them, why wouldn’t you adjust both?  i was more than a little annoyed but he apparently wasn’t concerned with my contractions - i, on the other hand, was trying to figure out what to expect and was VERY concerned - i guess it didn’t really matter because the contractions kicked into overdrive around 11:30pm - Kelley was asleep (because his bedtime is 11pm) but i was wide awake because i had foolishly declined the Ambien offered by the nurse - big mistake because i didn’t get any sleep that night - about midnight, the contractions were getting pretty bad so i told Kelley to call Kathy (my doula) because breathing through them wasn’t cutting it and i had no idea what to do - i don’t know where she was but she arrived in what seemed like minutes - and good thing …

the next few hours were pretty much a blur - the Cervidil had kicked into high gear and it was not fun - first of all, i had terrible shakes - then i alternated between freezing to death and major hot flashes - then i had to pee what seemed like every 5 minutes - the problem was that i was still hooked up to the monitors, so every time i had to go to the bathroom i had to disconnect myself from the monitors - in addition to that, Sydney was still not reacting like they wanted her to - so i was hooked up to some sort of an IV in addition to the monitors - so from about 1:00am until 4am, i spent the night dealing with contractions, freezing to death, burning up, trying to disconnect the monitors so i could pee and carrying around an IV - talk about labor!   so here i am trying to get to the bathroom without peeing on myself in the middle of a contraction - at the same time, Kelley is following me while holding the IV and a blanket because i feel like i’m in Antarctica - good times - not that i was modest to begin with, but labor will eliminate any modicum of modesty that you thought you had!!  “honey, i know you’re holding the IV while i’m peeing, but can you wrap that blanket around me too?”

now here is where things get fuzzy - at this point, it was about 4 or 5am and i was really tired and the contractions were coming super fast - i think the nurse mentioned something about starting the Pitocin, but i wasn’t willing to do that until i could talk to Dr. Flowers - plus i was really starting to feel like crap from the Cervidil and just needed some rest - so i *might* have been a bad patient and told the nurse to take the Cervidil out to see how much i could progress without it - Kathy suggested i head to the whirlpool for a while - so the Cervidil came out and i headed for the whirlpool - SCORE!!!  you wouldn’t think sitting in a bathtub would alleviate that much pain, but it did and it was wonderful!!  now i know why people give birth in water - it’s still not something that i’ll ever do, but i understand it!  i stayed in the whirlpool for about an hour and probably would have stayed even longer, but by then Dr. Flowers was there and she was ready to break my water … YIKES!!  i was very nervous about her breaking water - for the first time i was officially scared - and i told her so!  all i had heard is that if they have to break your water, it will hurt … BADLY - but Dr. Flowers (and my mom who had also arrived) assured me that it wouldn’t hurt and that i would actually feel better - and of course, she was right - see why i love this woman!  she’s the greatest doctor ever!  so i was good for a little while - it was about 7:30ish and i was dilated to about a 5 or 6 at that point and i was good for a little bit - and then the contractions kicked into overdrive again - they were coming really fast and they were intense - and i was TIRED!!!  tired to the point where i was begging for rest - all i wanted was to get a quick nap - that and some drugs - i thought i could get through the contractions if i just took them one at a time - the problem was i didn’t feel like i was getting a break between them - it just felt like one long contraction - i was still adamant about not getting the epi, but i needed something to take the edge off - i asked Dr. Flowers what my options were and she offered me Stadol or Demerol - i opted to go with the Stadol because BFF Angie had Demerol with her daughter and was completely out of it - so we went with a low dosage of the Stadol around 8:30am and while it did nothing for the pain, it did allow me to sleep for about an hour - and i needed it because i was exhausted!!

then it was time for the big guns - around 10am, i wasn’t progressing and it was Pitocin time - i was still a little out of it because when the nurse checked me and said they needed to start the Pitocin, i remember asking her if she had checked with Dr. Flowers - i’m sure she was thinking “um, duh.” but i was a little loopy so when she said “yes - Dr. Flowers is the one who said to start it” i said, “ok” and went with it!  once again, the contractions were in high gear and i was in MAJOR pain - this is where the rantings and ravings of the crazy pregnant woman begin - things i specifically remember saying:

“can you make them stop for just a little while?” - um, sure dianthe, hold on while we take care of that …

“why does it hurt so much in the same spot - why won’t it move?” - the contractions felt like the most severe menstrual cramps i’d ever had - and i think i was expecting them to hurt somewhere else than in my lower abdomen - in my head, i was thinking if it hurt somewhere else for a little while, it wouldn’t hurt as bad - um, okay … 

“i just need a nap - all i need is a nap” - i was SO tired that i could barely keep my eyes open - and all i remember was contraction, contraction, contraction - now my mom says that i was sleeping between contractions - like full on-knocked out-snoring sleeping - what i remember is one contraction on top of another - but whatev! 

i guess the contractions went on for another hour or so because i don’t really remember anyone checking to see if i had progressed any further - i just remember telling Kathy that i needed to push - i know that i changed positions several times because nothing felt right - it’s weird how well you get to know your body - i had no idea what i was doing but i knew what was working and what wasn’t - some positions worked for a few minutes and some positions i instantly knew were out!  and during the pushing, more rantings and ravings from the crazy pregnant woman:

“i CANNOT do this” - i said this A LOT!!  and every time i said it, someone was there to tell me i could - Kelley, my mom, Kathy - everyone kept telling me i could - whatever - i was tired and in that moment, i didn’t think i could finish - but it’s not like i had a choice! 

“stop asking me if i want to see the mirror - IT’S NOT HELPING ME!!!” - so when you start to crown, they bring out the mirror so you can see the baby coming out of you - apparently it helps some women because they realize that they’re really close and it gives them the incentive for those last couple of pushes - a lot of people are weirded out by this - but i wasn’t - it just wasn’t helping - i caught a glimpse, i even touched her head (and was amazed that she had a head full of hair) - but watching her head come out of my va-jay-jay was not benefiting me and i wanted everyone to stop telling me to look

“OMG - can everybody just stop talking and SHUT UP!! S#IT!!!” - while i was pregnant, i spent a lot of time watching “A Baby Story” and every time i would get annoyed when the mom is pushing and there is a room full of people saying “push”, “you can do it”, “you’re almost there”, etc. - i always wanted to tell those people to shut up - and when everyone was saying those things to me, i felt the same way - which is why i told everyone to shut up - it was difficult enough concentrating on pushing - the last thing i needed was a cheering section

“Come on Spike - come out” -  hey, if she could hear me while she was in the womb, surely she could hear me on the way out - and it was a team effort, right?

so at this point, i’m REALLY close - and Dr. Flowers said that we were almost there and made a comment that if i didn’t push Spike out, she was coming in to get her - then she started putting on her delivery gear - that was all the incentive i needed - when i saw Dr. Flowers in that gown with the gloves on and that huge mask, i decided that Spike was coming out no matter what - it didn’t occur to me that doctors wear that for every delivery - hello … childbirth is messy - but in my head she was preparing for forceps or the vacuum or a c-section (later, Dr. Flowers told me she was just kidding!) - but i wasn’t having any of that - it took everything i had, but i gave 2 or 3 more pushes and out came the head - they kept her body in the birth canal while they suctioned her and then one more push and she was out - they immediately handed her to me chest down - i flipped her over just to confirm and screamed “it’s a girl!!!!” - i can’t begin to tell you how shocked i was - i think everyone else was too because i swear there were actual cheers!  someone handed me a blanket or something and let me wipe her off - i was surprised because she seemed to come out so clean - the nurse ended up cutting the umbilical cord because Kelley aka “Mr. Science” was busy checking out things from the other end - normally they tell the husband to stay up by the mom’s head but Kelley wanted a front row view of his child being born - he watched it all and his exact words afterwards were “AMAZING!!”  

and after 15+ hours of labor and just over an hour of pushing, Sydney Jane was born!

as promised - there are pictures - i will warn you - while they aren’t graphic by any stretch of the imagination, you’ll probably see more of me than you ever thought you would (or wanted to) - they aren’t any more revealing than if i was in a bikini, but it’s not quite the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue!  i debated whether or not to post the pictures, but after looking at them a million times i decided that the birth of my baby girl was too big of a miracle not to share - and a HUGE shout out to Mike and ReJana (that’s right, Mike was there too - remember that modesty thing i mentioned …) for documenting this amazing experience - Kelley and i (and Sydney) are so blessed to not only have them as great photographers, but also as great friends - i can’t wait until Sydney is old enough to see the pictures!!  and here they are …

Sydney Jane’s Birth Day 

and i can finally cough without peeing!! oh sure, i still can’t tell when i have to pee and i’m still making a mad dash for the bathroom every time i stand, but no more peeing and coughing!! and the rest of me is starting to feel normal again too - it’s so weird because right after you deliver, you feel like your body will never feel the same again - and then one day you wake up and you think, “hmmm … everything seems normal again” - everything except my pudgy post pregnancy belly - that’s just weird! for months, your belly is hard as a rock - and then it’s like a bowl full of jelly - i feel like Santa Claus! but whatev - it’s only been 3 weeks and i don’t have to walk the Victoria Secret runway like Heidi Klum!

so 3 weeks later and we’re not any closer to having this schedule thing figured out than we were the first day - and every time we think we’ve got it figured out, Sydney changes it up on us - i have a feeling that my entire career as a parent will be a lot of that - thinking you’ve got it figured out and then … so here’s something that no one tells you about - the infamous Growth Spurts - part of the problem with the growth spurt is that you never know when it’s coming - now “they” tell you expect one at 7-10 days, 2-3 weeks, 4-6 weeks, etc. - but the problem is that it’s not an exact science and your baby has its own calendar - so all those weeks just run together - yesterday, Sydney Jane decided she was hungry about every hour to hour and a half - this was after 3 consecutive nights of not going to sleep until 6 or 7am - i knew she was a night owl but this is ridiculous! anyway, the day was filled with feed me, change me, feed me, change me, feed me - you get the picture - then last night, she went to sleep around 2am - Hallelujah and Praise the Lord!! she slept til 8am - i got up to change her and gave her the paci to occupy her until i could feed her - she went back to sleep! then slept until almost noon - then i fed her and she went back to sleep - she slept until almost 4pm - i fed her and then she hung out with Daddy and then they both took a nap! then she woke up around 6pm and ate and then went back to sleep - yep - growth spurt - i’m betting she’ll be up all night - there’s no way i’m getting 2 nights in a row - not this early - besides, we still have to figure out when it’s night and when it’s day!

in true Diva fashion - Miss Sydney had her first photo session - i wasn’t expecting much from her at 10 days old, but she pulled it off and we got some great shots! i PROMISE i will have the birth story posted before Monday - and because you’ve been so patient - we have pictures!! every time i look at them, it is nothing but t

and everything “they” said is true! motherhood is fun, scary, exhausting, joyful, exciting, boring, amazing, messy, shocking, dirty, hilarious, frustrating, - it’s actually every single adjective you can think of - and hands down the coolest thing i’ve ever experienced!